9 Years: What I Wouldn’t Give for a Smoke (not really)

Today marks nine years of not smoking. And honestly? It’s been the most challenging year so far.

I’ve had smoking dreams lately — for the first time ever. Delicious smoke swirling around my fingers, gracefully up into the air, then filling my lungs like deep deep breaths so I can breathe again. Or forget, again.

Thankfully they are just dreams.

Because this is what I know. Now.

Smoking doesn’t change anything.

It doesn’t help you feel better, think more clearly, write or create art more successfully, make more money, find love, or fix your crazy ass family.

It won’t solve your own problems…or world problems. It won’t save the environment…or your soul. And it certainly won’t bring your best friend back from the dead.

It will, temporarily, numb your senses to all of that.

And god help me what I wouldn’t give, some days these days, for just a little numbness.

But that numbness is addictive, and it will cost you time and money and your own sweet health.

So, get support. Find your posse. Read Allen Carr’s Easy Way to Stop Smoking. And stop. Because “this too shall pass” might apply to a sucky life phase, but not so much to the stronghold of a wicked addiction like smoking.

With love and gratitude to my own posse, always…


©2018. Jen Payne.

3 thoughts on “9 Years: What I Wouldn’t Give for a Smoke (not really)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s