Unfinished Business in 3-Part Form

Uriel and Camael

A Passing

This day.
This day
will surely go unnoticed.
It would by me
were it not for a small
thread of memory
that tip-toed across my thoughts
in the hours before dawn.

This day.
This day
will surely go unnoticed.
It is inconsequential
in the grand and complicated
and forgetful turnings
of this world
that you and I exist in.

This day.
This day
will surely go unnoticed.
It arrived with no fanfare,
for there is no marking of the day
that left me wild and undone
and full of life again—
except this.


A Message

Very often, the Universe speaks to me in the cosmic riddles of Rob Brezsny’s Free Will Astrology. It does this most clearly when I come to a fork in the road and need higher guidance. Consider this, she says. Does this fit as new direction, and can you walk a while this way?

I was not at a particularly major fork in the road last week. It merely marked the five-year anniversary of a change of heart.


Not merely at all.

To understand completely, you would have had to exist inside that box with its four appropriate sides, the perfect corners, and the lid sealed tightly shut.

To understand completely, you would have had to be there when, in an instant, the walls were shattered and the lid exploded—and everything around me changed.

I changed.

Not merely at all.

Five years removed, I will tell you—matter of factly—that I use all of that to fuel and feed the work of this new life—my art and my writing. I will explain that the moment of all of that then is still a catalyst now.

To which the Universe aptly responded last week:

This would be an excellent week, Cancer, to grieve madly and deeply about the…affairs that shattered your heart. I’ve rarely seen a better astrological configuration than there is now for purging the residual anguish…. So I suggest you conduct a formal ritual that will provide total exorcism and bring you maximum catharsis. Maybe you could build a shrine containing the photos and objects that keep a part of you stuck in the past, and maybe you could find the bold words and innovative gestures that will bid goodbye to them forever. Do you have any intuitions about how to create a rousing healing ceremony?

Amen, Rob.


A Choice

Five years ago, my heart was ripped open. And into it poured the most glorious streams of inspiration I have ever felt. The details of the how and why are inconsequential, and too irrelevant for rituals or shrines any longer.

There are, however, residuals. The aftermath of that tsunami of inspiration exists now as notations of memory—pieces of art and words. Ideas rest half in my studio and half in my heart, calling out, from time to time, demanding my attention.

Do I honor them and bring them to completion?
Do I purge them and make room for new life?

Do I exorcise them from my heart for good?
Or do I call forth forgiveness in their fruition?

In which “letting go” comes the final healing?

• • •

Poem, A Passing, by Jen Payne, ©2011.

– – – – –

With Gratitude…In the darkest moments five years ago, the Archangel Uriel came to me and sat with me and spun my tears into inspirations. I am beyond words of thanks to be able to reprint the painting above as part of this post. Entitled “Uriel and Camael Angels of Creativity & Joy,” it appears here with sweet permission from artist Katrina Borneman.

Kat has lived in San Francisco for the past 15-years where she paints, has her own Spiritual Life Coaching business and is a Religious Science Practitioner teaching spiritual growth classes and workshops. Kat currently has her studio in Sonoma where she enjoys the warm, sunny summers of the Valley of the Moon. She is a founding member of the Park Presidio Art Association in San Francisco’s Richmond district. Over the past several years Kat’s work has become more intuitive, divinely inspired and guided, resulting in the Grandfather Moon, Spirit Guides & Angels and now the 108 Spirit Guides series. Critics say that Kat’s paintings are “bold and have a wonderful and playful use of color.”

“I believe we’re spiritual beings having a physical human experience on our sacred earthly mother. Painting is my spiritual sustenance, feeding my soul and connecting me to my Divinity. My painting is the out-picturing of my vision Rich Heartful Celebration and my purpose Bringing Spirit to Life. Captivating, vibrant colors are the common thread throughout my work. When I paint it feels like dancing & playing naked in the sun – a natural force flows through me moving color over the paper or canvas while mysteriously capturing the essence of the subject over the form. All Life is creative and I am honored to share my creative expression with you.”

Please visit her wonderful online gallery and website.

– – – – –

Special thanks always to Rob Brezsny and Free Will Astrology.

• • •

4 thoughts on “Unfinished Business in 3-Part Form

  1. amazing stuff – gorgeous artwork & wonderful words, jen, as always

    may i just say this: regarding your question about honoring your ideas and bringing them to completion vs. purging them to make room for new life… i think bringing them to completion would ultimately be purging them – if not all, then choose some to complete and purge the rest – the challenge then becomes: which ones do YOU choose and which one does the ARTIST choose? try going with YOU first, then let the artist jump in and take charge… OR put them on slips of paper in a basket and pull out three to do and burn the rest of them in a ceremony… hmmmmmm – it just might work!!!! love, tjbg


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